In episode 24 of the podcast, Audra and Justin sat down with Busy Philipps, actress, author, activist, and mom to talk about the real stuff: childhood trauma, becoming a better parent, doing the deep inner work of healing our emotional wounds, and much more.

One of the richest subjects we talked about was breaking generational patterns.

Steps to healing generational cycles

Step 1: Listen to the voice in your heart

Six years ago Busy realized that she had stopped listening to the voice in her heart that was telling her something was off in her life. She could do healthy things (like work out) and not so healthy things (like drink three tequilas) to drown out the voice, but it kept coming back. The first step was rediscovering this voice.

"So you're just like, 'Well, if I just play this music real loud and I work out, you know, exactly, and I got three tequilas tonight, like that voice is going to shut up.' And I think that part of where I had gotten to several years ago, like five years ago, was that I had effectively stopped listening to that voice at all, and I didn't know who I was six years ago. And once I rediscovered it, the last six years has just been a journey of continuing to figure it all out and really tap into the question: what do I feel like is right for my life and my kids lives and the people that I'm responsible to and who are my family?

Step 2: Use your new awareness to make a change

Busy talked about becoming more aware of how generational cycles were playing out in her home, through her parenting and marriage. She decided she need to do something about it, so she did a week-long retreat at the Hoffman Institute, a program "of transformation and development for people who feel stuck in one or more important areas of their life." It was a game-changer for her.

"The Hoffman Institute is essentially all about breaking the generational trauma and the patterns that get passed down. And, you know, I have done and continue to do a ton of work, but I will say I have found myself in a place where I was like, I am repeating so much of this stuff. I am seeing it being acted out in my own home and I need to figure this out. What the fuck am I doing? Yeah. Hoffman Institute is for those of you who haven't heard my podcast where I talk about it for two hours. It's a seven-day intensive, immersive, experiential like therapeutic retreat."

Step 3: Lay down new generational patterns

Busy reflected on feeling overwhelmed by trying to fix all the old family and larger cultural patterns. But she's inspired by the fact that when she heals, she's also generating new patterns that shift things for future generations. We're doing this work so our kids don't have to. They get to take on different challenges.

I think that we are culturally in this moment where we all want it [healing, feeling and doing better] to just be done. We want to get it done. But the thing that I've been trying to hold on to is like, if we do a good enough job, then it's not just that each generation does a little bit better than the one before. It's a shift. It's like a seismic shift forward in consciousness and really being human.

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