As parents, when we want to know what’s going on emotionally and mentally for our kids, we ask (if they’re old enough) or we guess through obvious cues like crying and smiling. But there’s another way to connect with our kids’ inner worlds that gives us even more information and lets us in on a deeper level. It’s a set of ideas broadly labeled movement patterning.

Movement is in us. It’s something we take for granted. When we pull the plate out of the cupboard, we are moving with a certain rhythm, cadence, and energy that are ultimately a reflection of our inner emotional state and our personal history. If we stomp over to pull the plate out and hear 10,000 clangs on the way out, it may be a sign that we’re dealing with a lot of heavy emotions. Meanwhile, pulling the plate out as you cha cha cha might be a sign of an evening of celebration and even a bit of wine!

How we move gives clues to the state of mind we find ourselves in. So how and why can we use clues to gain a new perspective with our children?

In my early 20’s I was a child-youth care worker by day and a training actor and movement artist by night. I would spend three to five hours at a time working with kids 8-18 who had neurological and behavioral disorders and would help them navigate their day-to-day lives. What the parents of these youth didn’t expect is not only was I trained in counseling, but I was also training in theatre and movement arts.

As I worked with kids it became clear that I had a “knack” for it. Somehow these kids would “magically” listen to me, and kids who didn’t clean up after themselves were suddenly tidying up. Kids who didn’t apologize were suddenly expressing empathy; kids who didn’t do anything but play video games were begging to play in the snow!

What was I doing differently?

I was observing their behavior patterns through a movement lens. This allowed me to see more deeply into their gifts, while also noticing their cries for help, hidden within the dysfunctional behaviors.

My observations came from a set of ideas broadly labeled movement patterning, based on Laban Movement Patterning, Gabrielle Roth’s 5Rhythms, and Developmental Movement Patterns. In this article, we’ll focus on The 5Rhythms movements.

These 5Rhythms could give you additional insight into understanding your children’s hidden behavioral needs. The 5Rhythms are:

1. Flowing Movement: Smooth, indirect
2. Staccato Movement: Direct, Sharp, Downwards
3. Lyrical Movement: Light, Airy, Upwards
4. Chaotic Movement: A mix of them all
5. Stillness: The quiet and peace after chaos

Let’s take two emotions—sadness and anger—and view them through the lens of the 5Rhythms.

1. Flowing (into collapse)

Perhaps they immediately fall into a crying puddle on the ground. This is often the safest and most desired expression by the parents because it’s easier to deal with a surrendered, limp, and apologetic child, than it is with say, a child moving chaotically.

We want to be careful that as the kids grow into their teenage years, they learn how to stand upright in their sadness or anger, rather than this flowing collapse. Collapse can lead to feelings of helplessness and inadequacy and away from the confidence and self-direction, our kids need as they grow into adulthood.

Support: Help them by encouraging them to make eye contact while they are crying and after you have hugged and held them, have them engage in activities over which they have control.

Flowing (into avoidance)

This can be a tricky one to catch when we’re looking for it in the frame of sadness or anger. This type of flowing can look like really smooth avoidance of responsibility or talking their way out of a situation and quietly avoiding doing the chore they are given. Support: Use direct, step-by-step language, trying to understand their world. When they explain why they did or didn’t do the given activity, help them to directly state “I was avoiding my responsibility” or “Next time, I won’t trick you.”  

2. Stacatto

Are they always doing sharp, direct movements? Perhaps they are kicking walls or punching the desk. This tells me that they like to see that “they have an impact” on the world around them and it might be a great challenge for them to hit a desk instead of a person.

Support: If your child is making staccato movements, I recommend paying attention to where they might be feeling helpless in their lives and trying to create situations that give them a sense of influence. I also recommend encouraging the expression of these sharp, direct movements through structured, skillful physical activity in a proper martial arts school. Trying to get them to stop moving in this way could lead to a dampening of their spirit, and the result could be a lot more video games and depression as they get older. Much of chaos movement support can apply here too.

3. Lyrical

Are they avoiding sadness or anger at all costs? Are they “rising above” and doing their homework or helping clean with the adults? This is a great coping strategy but it’s something to pay attention to, nonetheless. Extreme lyrical may be a disassociation from their feelings, always moving into positivity and dreams of a better future.

Support: To help your child who is moving into Lyrical, you can take extra time and help them notice their own internal world. “I noticed that when Conner made fun of you, you got quiet and started playing by yourself. Did it hurt your feelings when Conner said those things? Let’s speak to Conner and let him know how you like to play and be treated when it’s play-time.” Helping them to face their challenges directly, can be very orienting for your child, as they learn about their own boundaries and communication of needs.

4. Chaos

Chaos is a combination of all the movements. Chaos likely means they have a lot of conflicting feelings inside, none of which can be made sense of nor honored fully.

Support: I recommend talking to them about how everyone has a bunch of different internal parts and it’s ok when these parts want different things and don’t agree with each other. You can help them identify the different “parts” of themselves by identifying feelings, thoughts, and desires. For instance, you could say, “It sounds like one part wants to share and play together, but another part just wants all the toys to itself and play alone.” Often just identifying the different parts will lead to calming and resolution.

I also recommend giving them “expression time,” where they have a room or dedicated area to express their emotions and feelings in a big way, without consequence. Give them permission to throw their pillow against the wall or stomp the ground at a time when it won’t bother other family members.

5. Stillness (and freeze response)

Stillness is the result of your child feeling safe and at ease in their body and environment, however, it’s important to differentiate between stillness and freeze response.  A sign of a freeze response is that your child begins breathing shallow and almost imperceptible breaths. They might become quiet and have little interest in speaking or sharing about their day. Their shoulders may appear tense and high, nearly touching their ears. If your child is in a freeze response, it’s not necessarily cause for alarm, but as with all of these rhythms, it’s useful information to have.  

Support: If you notice your child is in a freeze response, try to make the environment extra supportive. Perhaps you have peaceful piano recordings playing in the background, a candle or fireplace lit, or creating a bonding experience, such as crafts, reading a book together, or yes, even watching television.  Hugging and holding your child might help their nervous system relax. If you notice they just get tenser, then lovingly stick to the beautiful environment and enjoy co-existing, together.

Using these movement lenses can bring you closer to your children, as you playfully observe their habits and learn to honor their gifts while supporting areas where they need help. You can also get to know your child’s tendencies by noticing your own.

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