Every Friday, we bring you five related things, ideas, facts, or practices that we hope will make your parenting journey a little easier. This week, we're highlighting five pieces of wisdom from our podcast interview with actor, author, and mom, Busy Philipps.

Piece #1: Becoming a better parent can change the world

We asked Busy about her recent experience at a therapeutic retreat called the Hoffman Institute. She remarked how the inner work she’s doing is an ongoing process that helps her become a better parent. And if we all become better parents, we can change the world.

I think that culturally in this moment, we all want it to just be done. We want to get it done, but the thing that I've been trying to hold on to is, if we do a good enough job, then it's not just that each generation does a little bit better than the one before. It's a shift. It's like a seismic shift forward in consciousness and really being human.”

The truth is these little people change it all. Like all of them. No man is an island. No woman is an island, no person is an island. This is a thing that we collectively have to be committed to raising good kids.

Piece #2: Stop avoiding your inner knowing

Busy talked about her one of her major takeaways from the Hoffman Institute was that we all have coping tools in our lives that keep us from hearing and seeing uncomfortable truths from our inner knowing. Once we start to listen to this inner knowing, we can show up for our family in fuller and more effective ways.

I think that so much of the things we fill our lives with are to block the voice inside that's really our guiding light and our guiding principles. And that voice sometimes is saying some real uncomfortable stuff. So you're just like, “Well, If I just play this music real loud and I work out, and I get three tequilas tonight, like that voice is going to shut up.
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And I think that part of where I had gotten to several years ago, like five years ago, was that I had effectively stopped listening to that voice at all, and I didn't know who I was six years ago. And once I kind of rediscovered it, the last six years has just been a journey of continuing to figure it all out and really tap into: what do I feel like is right for my life and my kids lives and the people that I'm responsible to and who are my family?

Piece #3: Even just 20-30 minutes a day of no-agenda time with your kids is key

After coming back from the therapeutic retreat, Busy has received messages from this inner knowing about simply spending one-on-one time with each of her kids. This time doesn’t need to be a big deal or structured around a special activity. It can be as simple as letting her kids show her TikTok videos on their phone.  

I have like things that come to me now where I'm like, Oh, Birdie needs X, Y and Z, you know, like, I'm just like, I can just, I just know what it is. I called Mark the other day and I was like, Birdie and Cricket need not a ton of time, like 20 or 30 minutes of alone time with each one of us individually every single fucking day. And they need to know that they're getting it, and that's what it is. And there's no I'm, I don't have my phone if they want to sit there on their phone and show me TikToks or whatever they can do, whatever they want, but like, that's what they're. Asking for it without asking, is that.

Piece #4: Prioritize an honest, open relationship with your kids

Busy talked about consciously choosing to prioritize an honest, open relationship so that her kids will be more likely to tell her what’s going on. This is similar to what we talked about in the Yes Collective Podcast, episode 14 with parent+teen relationship coach, Vanessa Baker. If we prioritize connection over control, we will have to give up our agenda, but in return we become the first person our kids come to with a problem and not the last.

Kids are going to lie. That's just a baseline. I'm not an idiot, you know what I mean? But if you cultivate the kind of relationship with your kids that allows them to be able to tell you the truth, they will tell you the truth way more.

Piece #5: There is no shortcut to being a better parent

Busy talked about doing the hard inner work by going on her therapeutic retreat and sticking with the therapeutic process. Becoming a better parent isn’t about tricks and tips but about showing up day after day, willing to do the work.

There are no shortcuts in any of this stuff. And even like your therapeutic work, Hoffmann Institute for a week, it's not a shortcut. I wasn't fixed in seven days and there's no fixing anyway.

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